A song I have been meaning to share: - revised

Oh My Dear. It isn't quite exactly what my experience was - but it is a strikingly amazing approximation. It is one of the reasons I want to say this: This current "mountain" I am believing to move?... There is no way I would be there without friends. Friends who were there when I really needed them. There is no way I would be dreaming about, again, "moving this mountain" if it hadn't been for the night that this song makes me think of. It was a night where I was drained, exhausted, devastated, and at the end of my rope. I had just reached out to someone (the day before), only to have them basically turn on me. Not that that person had meant to - just that he was obviously not ready for what I had told him.


The next night, I asked if I could stay at my friend's place, and he said that would be alright. He set up a bed downstairs and we talked a bit. Then he offered to pray for me. I asked him to lay hands on me; to which he agreed. He prayed, and then I prayed. And I feel like I didn't know what else to do, so I simply "let go... of the rope... I was hanging onto". It was terrifying, and yet I didn't know what else to do. I opened up. I talked openly to God about my experience the day before... and several years before. I admitted - in general terms - to a painful mistake, but I also plead my case with the judge of all the earth. I still remember reaching a "climax", where I was so emotionally charged that I couldn't even get past the word, "...set!..."


"I ...set!..." (sob... sob... sob... sob...) Then I tried again, "That I... set!..." I repeated that cycle of saying the word and then sobbing, three or more time. I was quoting a verse from Isaiah 50, where he writes, "Therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed." I was telling God (or at least, trying to) that - not only had I made that (again, painful) mistake, but that I had afterwards: "...set my face like a flint... and I knew that I would not be ashamed... and I wasn't ashamed..." I did eventually get all of those words out; but not before, again, sobbing with great emotion. As I sobbed, though, I felt arms... around me.


It was as if letting go of that rope put me into a "trust-fall" - and one that I could afford to take! (By the way, remember that video: "Gold"? There are scene's where the various characters go into a "trust fall" and are caught by people who then welcome them into that "house" at the end of the story told in the video. To me? That is SUCH a perfect analogy! :) ♥) Because my friend caught me. Held me. When I stood up, he said, "I love you, Daniel", and took me up into a "bear hug". I want to say that I will always remember that - and, again, that is one of the main reasons I am dreaming of (as, I know, I keep saying) "moving this mountain".


By the way: ANOTHER reason I am currently wanting to do what I want to do? Because I was able to move a previous mountain. If that one hadn't moved? I'd still be "stymied!" It moved, though - and that, because a friend respected me enough to do something I asked her to. I will always remember that, too.


If, therefore - for any reason - I run into any "snags"? Snags, such as, "Uh... We don't want that. Nothing personal, but: no thanks." I mean: "Say no more!" I never want to presume on you. Ever.


I never want to make you feel like you cannot breathe. Uncomfortable. Not knowing what to say, but knowing you have to say it anyway. I know there is a risk of that - and I take it very seriously.


I, however, feel like I don't know where to go, except forward, with what is on my heart. Therefore, I resolve to move forward as I am allowed and able. Again - though - I am always on the lookout for "snags". "Red alerts". Stop signs. Closed doors. Anything that tells me I am being anything other than a blessing to you.


I, however, had such a great sleep last night - and it was a short one! I was "on the floor" (I sleep on the floor right now, instead of my futon, because I was getting a sore back on the futon) after 11 PM last night. I was up, however, in time to turn off my alarm BEFORE it rang at "4:20 AM" (and that is ten to fifteen minutes fast).


Last night, I really felt a peace about the dreams in my heart. I can say: these dreams are BOLD! Bold as brass! (I don't know how to tell you this but: "even I can be like that at times"! (I'm being facetious, of course, trusting that of course ye already knew that!)) They (the dreams in my heart) even frightened me a bit, earlier last night. I was thinking it all through, and I have to admit: the only way this is "...possible" is when I take out the "im..." I take it out, though! Because I would love for this to happen. And I believe that God has planted such a desire in my hearts.


And I thank him for doing it! He is the one that did it - but I love it! And I love him! And I love you!


And I look forward to see "you", and - if God will, and "ye" (a.k.a. "you) will - putting on a SHOW for you! Four Psalms and a song! I practiced up the Psalms again this morning as I was running to work. It was a short run, though, so I didn't have time to practice the "song". (I can do encores too, if needs be!) My prayer is that "ye" will know that I appreciate you; and be deeply blessed and ministered to. I have said this before, but I have been practicing this up for years. The first Psalm that I would recite (if, again, I was permitted to), I have been working on for about 22 years! The other Psalms, definitely several years. And the song? I wrote it in 2012, I think; and have been working on and practicing it ever since. To be honest: I thought I might sing that song for you when ye came over back in 2012 (for my birthday party, which was actually just before New Year's). Well! That sure didn't happen - and I'm glad it didn't! I wasn't ready yet! Now, however, I pray that I am!


The bottom line is: stop me any time ye need to! Ye have earned the right to! I would never have come this far without your help. Therefore, I want you to know that how ye feel matters to me. And I am soberly aware of the delicate nature of the dreams I am dreaming.


I am walking through a mine field if there ever was one - but I feel anointed to actually SWEEP this minefield! I pray that my willingness to "tip-toe-through..." not the "tulips", but the LIONS' DEN! The burning fiery furnace! The giant(S)! Goliath (AND HIS BROTHERS)! (By the way: did ye know one of Goliath's brothers almost killed David? It was when David was no longer a spring chicken, and he fainted on the battlefield. God, however, comes along and says, "Nice try! Nobody touches my servant David without my permission!" And David's nephew takes out the giant! Hooray!) I mean - again! I am being bold as brass! And even I'm scared! Only as scared, though, as I know I must be.


Again: "A wise man FEARETH, and DEPARTETH from evil; but the fool rageth, and is confident." I refuse to be that fool. I also, however, insist on being bold as a lion! "The wicked flee when no man pursueth, but the righteous are bold as a lion." So, yes! "Roar!" I think boldness is called for! In fact, necessary. "Necessity is the mother of invention."


And I believe God has planted that (necessity) in me. For now, though, let me suffice it to call it: "would love to". That's conditional - and I know it has to be. What if ye have to stop me? Call me off? Tell me ye can see where I am going, and that ye do not want me to go there? Then I have to listen! And I will! It is the least I can do, seeing I would want that if I were you! Therefore, I wait. Psalm 123 wait. Bless you! Love you!

Today? I waited at two VERY LONG RED LIGHTS, and that bought be enough time to at least get into practicing PART OF the song, after the four Psalms! I love you!

Daniel