Today was rough! Exhausting! One thing I will say, though? I am determined to put point loads for those stairs; and the software SHOULD allow me to do that. It seems, though, that if there is anything causing the errors, it is those point loads, for me, in particular. They should be there, though! So, at least for me, they are going to be! It's tough slugging, though!
I have a lot to learn, designing floors; but I had a lot to learn when I began designing roofs! And I have learned it! To the point where I am more comfortable with roofs THAN floors! They were saying, today, though, that roof design is far more complicated than floor design. Good to know - it is just that I am feeling overwhelmed right now.
It made me think: I can just imagine what marriage is going to be like! I know - overwhelming! But - hey! So is over four decades of being alone! Also, I am determined to get it right - even if that involves risk! Even harrowing risk! Risk that scares the wits out of ME! Oh, well! When you've been waiting that long, you do NOT want to get it wrong! And - overwhelming though I know it will be - I am determined that it will be a dream come true; for her AND me!
See, when I had a significant other, I sure did make some mistakes; but I also gave her the royal treatment! Bringing her flowers at work... Her (male) work mates saying I was making the rest of them look bad... I did it right! That's the kind of man I am! I go all out! I look forward to someone being able to finally benefit from that.
I've been thinking: if someone were to write the story of my life, I could just see the reviews!
"Makes Samson look like saint..."
"Makes John Newton look like 'Bambie'..."
"Makes 'real character' look like 'Daffy Duck'..."
"And... "Makes 'exotic' look like... '51,733,291,156,460' '3,150,921', '2,033,886,216,566' '-268' '1,910,754,703,859'..."
Not that I want to "stand in the place of great men" - simply that I might as well enjoy the uniqueness of my journey! It has taken its toll! As it may have already shown in this post: I was really feeling exhausted and overwhelmed today - and I'm not married yet! And, yes, I am actually thankful for that, on one hand - but I remember a friend saying to me, "You're going to be like me one of these days - fourty, and unmarried..." I mean, that wasn't supposed to happen! It, however, is happenING! It does hurt! Even if I am sleeping "on the floor I've made"! It's still painful! I mean - I remember being thirty-ONE in South Korea, and "being mad" that I couldn't get married yet!
Well! I sure have learned not to "be mad" about not being married - but I still have to confess: this was NOT supposed to happen! I know! When you're already married, you might even be tempted to grow weary of it! My two cents, though? Please! Don't! Some people cannot seem to get there! I can't! At least not so far! NOT, though that I am desperate, or that I EVER will be! (Psalm XXXIV.10) For the same reason that I will never be offended! (Psalm CXIX.165)
Now? I find myself looking ahead, and not knowing where to go with my dreams except for "forward" - but then I try to tell people about what I am thinking! And, guess what! They're not exactly supportive! And I can even understand why! But how can I try and be somebody that I am not! I have TRIED to get to know people my age! OVER AND OVER! Seriously! Who has tried harder than me? I don't think many people have! I have been RELENTLESS! And, God? Abba? Please! Remember me! I have gone all the way! And I would like to posit that I have been a success! Winning the '70,768,771,650' '46' '-117,461,409,011', in particular, is a humbling reward for spending and being spent for other people, and, in particular, the children thou hast brought into my life. I put it all on the line for one, in particular - because I knew I simply had to. Countless people tried to talk me out of doing so, but I would not be deterred. I did NOT count my life precious; and I recall that Jesus said that he that loseth his life for his sake shall find it. God, thou hast said, "them that honour me, I will honour." I wait on thee to do as thou hast said, in Jesus' name, amen.
Daniel
Monday, April 20, 2015
Friday, April 17, 2015
Reality!... - Edited and revised
Talk about testing your resolve to be happy and have a good attitude. I mean, there was training, but then there was sitting down with the software and doing practice jobs at work! A rude awakening, to say the least; but at least I am still alive! And expecting to be! "I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD, or Jehovah!" Psalm 118:17. My sister's young friend, however, is expected to pass away any day now, sadly. Please remember her in prayer! See - she has one daughter, but it does not look like she will get married (again, seeing she is expected to pass away soon). I sure am thankful I can - of course, God willing - look forward to marriage... and then children. It is a struggle, but God sure is providing "tokens for good" all along the way (see the last verse of Psalm 86), and I thank him for them!
Sincerely,
Daniel
P.S. I want to acknowledge one more thing: if reality has to dictate I not get married by my next birthday - though I will cross that bridge if I come to it - I accept that. After all: "The lot is cast into the lap, but the whole disposing thereof is of the LORD, or Jehovah." Proverbs 16
Sincerely,
Daniel
P.S. I want to acknowledge one more thing: if reality has to dictate I not get married by my next birthday - though I will cross that bridge if I come to it - I accept that. After all: "The lot is cast into the lap, but the whole disposing thereof is of the LORD, or Jehovah." Proverbs 16
Thursday, April 16, 2015
1. Is, a world, it, smaller, still!...
...Went to school with "-7,160,912.1 -121,799.1":.../
...(Long time me no drive a "-3,148,834.1").../
"Yea!", I say, "Hooray for '68,595,701.1'")
"-150,382,010.1"
...(Long time me no drive a "-3,148,834.1").../
"Yea!", I say, "Hooray for '68,595,701.1'")
"-150,382,010.1"
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
"Small World" is right!
"-7,160,912.1 -121,799.1". Does that name ring a bell? I have been training with him for floor design at the Sheraton Hotel in Calgary for the last two days. He works in Newton, Manitoba. Today, I told him I had worked at Carberry Bible Camp - and he said he had gone there as a camper. As a matter of fact: He said he remembered a counselor at that camp, whom he considered his HERO! He rode a motorbike, played the guitar, and (I think he also mentioned) was a lifeguard! Then he mentioned his name! "1,762,777,516,323.1"! Of course, I call him "2,418,074,544.1", but either way, I pray he will know he was considered a hero to someone I just happened to meet here in Calgary! Hooray for "48,040,986,434,880.1 2,418,074,544.1"! Let me say this: he sure "caught me when I was falling"! And he held me tight! And that is going to get remembered! Bigtime!
Love,
Daniel
Love,
Daniel
Monday, April 13, 2015
In Tears... Again - revised... again!
It is has been years since I saw this video, but - as I have heard it said - "It gets me every time!" It sure does! See, I've got a friend with a birthday today; and thinking of her made me think of this video. Therefore, I decided to look it up and watch it again. I found not only it, but also related videos, which kept the stream of tears flowing. See, I have to say, in all honesty, I have no idea how I even got here. "Here?" Yes - "Here!" Where I am in life! I even have to admit: I doubt I would have chosen to be here, if I had known ahead of time that I was HEADED "here". "Here", however, I "am", nonetheless! And - again - even though I would never have chosen to be here, I do love it! I mean - I'm glad no one else has to be here! I would never wish it on anyone else! But it is still a blessed place to be. It is just that - as Paul said - I have this constant sentence of death upon me (he wrote about this in II Corinthians 1). See, I know I have to be prepared to "Die on a dime" all over again. By "die on a dime", I mean: see that what I have in mind is NOT what is meant to be happening on my time-table and accepting that fact. I had to do that in the tenth month of last year (also known as "October"). In a moment of time, I put myself into my friends' shoes and asked myself: "If I were them, would I do this?..." The answer was painfully obvious: "No way!" Therefore - again - I "died on a dime". I mean, from my perspective, I had a LOT of "forward momentum" and - to say the least -"high hopes". The Golden Rule, however, left me with no alternative, so -right there and then - I died to what I wanted! And what I love is: I found favour that day! And that is EXACTLY what I had prayed to find. That is why I stand ready and willing to "die on a dime" as many times as necessary!
Here is the video:
http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=DYPKYPNX
...
Wow! More tears!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/19/one-heart-movie-gainesvil_n_1974895.html
...I discovered that they are even making a movie about that game!
http://www.oneheartmovie.com/index.html
I would like to tell the particular story that made me remember this video. Camp. Bible Camp. By the way, I even recall how I CAME to work at that camp. The year before that summer (of 1995) "Out of the blue", my father told me that "John Loge" was interested in me being his "Assistant Director" at "Carberry"! I still remember thinking: "Where did this even come from?" John later told me, though, that he had perceived that I had gifts he thought should be put to use. He told me that he wanted to teach me to be the director. And that is exactly what he did, throughout the summer. Little by little, he "gave me the reins" more and more.
Finally, the day came that he announced two things at the morning staff meeting: who would be the assistant director for the following two weeks; and who would be the director for the final week (after having one week of being a counselor). After that meeting, plenty of people congratulated the person who was being "promoted" to Assistant Director for the next two weeks.
The person who was going to be "Director" for the final week, however, found himself left to "head upstairs" to his room - which he did. I did. One person remembered me, though. She came up to me. I don't know if I was coming back down stairs, or still heading up to my room - but I sure remember the young lady that came up to me and congratulated me on being allowed to direct the final week. I will never forget it - ever! I go back to it - over, and over! It is like an anchor! A light I could see at the end of the tunnel of "life". Life can be very brutal! Even the simple fact that we reap what we sow!
I mean, some of the seeds I have sown, I am glad for - but not all! And life has a seemingly relentless way of reminding us of that fact! I mean, not everyone likes me, or respects me. But I am also happy to say: Not everyone forgets me, either! And not everyone forgot me that day! I want to say: "Thank you!"... and "I love both of you!" You have both not forgotten me - but even taken seriously my dreams! Even the timeframes I have had in mind! Not everyone does that! I have been told to "Do something about" my situation. That "whatever I am doing, it obviously isn't working!" To "not put timeframes on God". But not by you! You have simply taken me at face value, and even given me the benefit of the doubt! (By the way: that means you get to (as I have said before) "call me off" from anything you see me believing, which you cannot support.) You have "spoken life" to me, over and over again. So - again: "Thank you!" and "I love you (plural)!"
Daniel
P.S. Here is the next song that came up on "You-Tube" - I have never "danced" to it, but I am sure one could get a great workout dancing to it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8VoUYtx0kw
...Wait! Here's MANDISA dancing to it! I LOVE this performance! I think Mandisa is SUCH a winner! And is it ever contagious! And here is a video of people dancing to it! And HERE is yet ANOTHER!
Happy Birthday, dear friend!
Here is the video:
http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=DYPKYPNX
...
Wow! More tears!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/19/one-heart-movie-gainesvil_n_1974895.html
...I discovered that they are even making a movie about that game!
http://www.oneheartmovie.com/index.html
I would like to tell the particular story that made me remember this video. Camp. Bible Camp. By the way, I even recall how I CAME to work at that camp. The year before that summer (of 1995) "Out of the blue", my father told me that "John Loge" was interested in me being his "Assistant Director" at "Carberry"! I still remember thinking: "Where did this even come from?" John later told me, though, that he had perceived that I had gifts he thought should be put to use. He told me that he wanted to teach me to be the director. And that is exactly what he did, throughout the summer. Little by little, he "gave me the reins" more and more.
Finally, the day came that he announced two things at the morning staff meeting: who would be the assistant director for the following two weeks; and who would be the director for the final week (after having one week of being a counselor). After that meeting, plenty of people congratulated the person who was being "promoted" to Assistant Director for the next two weeks.
The person who was going to be "Director" for the final week, however, found himself left to "head upstairs" to his room - which he did. I did. One person remembered me, though. She came up to me. I don't know if I was coming back down stairs, or still heading up to my room - but I sure remember the young lady that came up to me and congratulated me on being allowed to direct the final week. I will never forget it - ever! I go back to it - over, and over! It is like an anchor! A light I could see at the end of the tunnel of "life". Life can be very brutal! Even the simple fact that we reap what we sow!
I mean, some of the seeds I have sown, I am glad for - but not all! And life has a seemingly relentless way of reminding us of that fact! I mean, not everyone likes me, or respects me. But I am also happy to say: Not everyone forgets me, either! And not everyone forgot me that day! I want to say: "Thank you!"... and "I love both of you!" You have both not forgotten me - but even taken seriously my dreams! Even the timeframes I have had in mind! Not everyone does that! I have been told to "Do something about" my situation. That "whatever I am doing, it obviously isn't working!" To "not put timeframes on God". But not by you! You have simply taken me at face value, and even given me the benefit of the doubt! (By the way: that means you get to (as I have said before) "call me off" from anything you see me believing, which you cannot support.) You have "spoken life" to me, over and over again. So - again: "Thank you!" and "I love you (plural)!"
Daniel
P.S. Here is the next song that came up on "You-Tube" - I have never "danced" to it, but I am sure one could get a great workout dancing to it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8VoUYtx0kw
...Wait! Here's MANDISA dancing to it! I LOVE this performance! I think Mandisa is SUCH a winner! And is it ever contagious! And here is a video of people dancing to it! And HERE is yet ANOTHER!
Happy Birthday, dear friend!
Friday, April 10, 2015
Very Timely - edited
"Letting it die" was timely. It was the day before "Good Friday." On that day, I went to church with my Mormon friend, to his wife's Baptist church(!) Then I went back with them and helped them with cleaning up their basement. While doing so, I discovered that they had "We are Marshall" - a movie I had heard good things about.
Then, we went upstairs and watched Joel Osteen's message from Yankee Stadium in New York City. I had already seen it, and wanted to show it to Russell (my friend). (It was great as usual). After watching that, he said to go get "We are Marshall". I was amazed at how movING that movIE really was! I was in tears very early into it! I was especially moved by the part where they are holding a meeting to disband the team, and in walks one of the FOUR surviving football players (into the CLOSED DOOR meeting), and is told he is not supposed to be there. He, however, points to the side window and says, "They are the ones I want you to hear". And all these people are standing out there, and they start raising alternate fists, and shouting "We are... MARSHALL!... We are... MARSHALL!" Over and over again! And here is the president of the University, not knowing what to do, explaining to the young man that he simply doesn't see how he could possibly even try to do this (I.e. continue trying to have a football team). The student replies, "I would suggest starting with a head coach" (see, at that point, they don't HAVE a coach... or ANY other staff! In fact, they have, again, FOUR NON-FRESHMEN players (and non-freshmen are NOT allowed to play! And one of the four cannot bring himself to play the next season! So that brings them down to THREE!)
I mean, talk about timely! After having had to let my dream die AGAIN; I see that movie! I was so inspired. Inspired to believe for resurrection. For a miracle. Apart from a miracle, I admit, there is nothing for me to do but carry on and not even lose a wink of sleep over the matter! And that is what I will do! Apart from the miracle. But unless I come to that bridge, I am not crossing it! I believe in miracles! And that movie documents one! Such an inspiring one!
I also LOVE the way the coach they finally DO find; (and they hardly find him!) INSISTS on persevering for an exception to the "no-freshmen" rule! I LOVE it! I mean, the president of the University TRIES to explain to the coach that there is no use trying to get the exception anymore, because they have tried and tried, and they are simply not approving it! I LOVE what the coach says at that point! I know what I plan to do! What that president did! Show up! Be ready to put on my show! And even be ready to - if I may - "-9318.1"!
"-9318.1" for what? "-105,027.1"! Even "54,012,198,671,094.1"! I know I would need it - so my plan is to ask for it, again, if I may. My only prayer is that doing so would not put anyone in an awkward, and uncomfortable place. I do not want to ever be anything other than a blessing. I simply do not know where to go with all of this, except forward; as long as, again, I may. By the way, I sent a package in the mail, which I am almost certain will arrive early; and I pray it will be a blessing, in Jesus' name.
Amen,
Daniel
Then, we went upstairs and watched Joel Osteen's message from Yankee Stadium in New York City. I had already seen it, and wanted to show it to Russell (my friend). (It was great as usual). After watching that, he said to go get "We are Marshall". I was amazed at how movING that movIE really was! I was in tears very early into it! I was especially moved by the part where they are holding a meeting to disband the team, and in walks one of the FOUR surviving football players (into the CLOSED DOOR meeting), and is told he is not supposed to be there. He, however, points to the side window and says, "They are the ones I want you to hear". And all these people are standing out there, and they start raising alternate fists, and shouting "We are... MARSHALL!... We are... MARSHALL!" Over and over again! And here is the president of the University, not knowing what to do, explaining to the young man that he simply doesn't see how he could possibly even try to do this (I.e. continue trying to have a football team). The student replies, "I would suggest starting with a head coach" (see, at that point, they don't HAVE a coach... or ANY other staff! In fact, they have, again, FOUR NON-FRESHMEN players (and non-freshmen are NOT allowed to play! And one of the four cannot bring himself to play the next season! So that brings them down to THREE!)
I mean, talk about timely! After having had to let my dream die AGAIN; I see that movie! I was so inspired. Inspired to believe for resurrection. For a miracle. Apart from a miracle, I admit, there is nothing for me to do but carry on and not even lose a wink of sleep over the matter! And that is what I will do! Apart from the miracle. But unless I come to that bridge, I am not crossing it! I believe in miracles! And that movie documents one! Such an inspiring one!
I also LOVE the way the coach they finally DO find; (and they hardly find him!) INSISTS on persevering for an exception to the "no-freshmen" rule! I LOVE it! I mean, the president of the University TRIES to explain to the coach that there is no use trying to get the exception anymore, because they have tried and tried, and they are simply not approving it! I LOVE what the coach says at that point! I know what I plan to do! What that president did! Show up! Be ready to put on my show! And even be ready to - if I may - "-9318.1"!
"-9318.1" for what? "-105,027.1"! Even "54,012,198,671,094.1"! I know I would need it - so my plan is to ask for it, again, if I may. My only prayer is that doing so would not put anyone in an awkward, and uncomfortable place. I do not want to ever be anything other than a blessing. I simply do not know where to go with all of this, except forward; as long as, again, I may. By the way, I sent a package in the mail, which I am almost certain will arrive early; and I pray it will be a blessing, in Jesus' name.
Amen,
Daniel
Thursday, April 2, 2015
That time again...
...I realized, this morning, that is was time to "let it die" again - not something I relish by any means; but if I put myself in my friends' shoes, it becomes obvious. I know this is what I would want if I were them; and I am determined to let the golden rule tell me what to do, even in situations like this. I also derive consolation from the fact that I have had experience with this. Dying. And I have had the privilege of being able to be a source of refreshment to others as a result. Therefore, I know it is not in vain. Very agonizing, but not in vain.
Sincerely,
Daniel
Sincerely,
Daniel
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